It seems like this has been just yesterday, but another 100-day period has passed, and since in the course of it I have consistently blogged at least once a day, I feel like it’s a good time to celebrate. Yes, we’re gonna have another contest!! This time we have over $1,000 worth of prizes from 7 different sponsors, and I would like to thank them all for contributing.
On this 400th day of my non-stop blogging I think it is good to have some laughing fun, and the contest I’m starting now is going to be about jokes. The details, rules, and information on prizes may be found below…
— CONTEST RULES —
- Topic: computer & Internet-related jokes (jokes about developers, webmasters, online marketers, web analysts, and anyone related to computers or e-commerce qualify!)
- Restrictions and details: 1 joke per comment, no more than 3 jokes per contestant
- Deadline: to participate in the contest, post your jokes by February 19, 2010
- Further process: once all entries are in, I will post a poll so that people could vote for their favorite jokes. The poll will run from 02/19 till 02/25/2010 which is when the winners will be announced
- Prizes: we will have three prizes (details below)
— PRIZES —
- Gold Pass (~ $280 value) to Affiliate Summit East 2010 [affiliate program: on ShareASale]
- Course of your choice (value $249-269) from Legacy Learning Systems [affiliate program: on ShareASale]
- $100 gift certificate from JensonUSA.com [affiliate program: on ShareASale]
- $100.00 gift certificate from UpscaleLighting.com [affiliate program: on ShareASale and Google].
- $50 gift card from DaySpring [affiliate program: on Commission Junction]
- $25 gift card from LCI Paper [affiliate program: coming up]
Additionally, each of the above three winners will also receive an Estrella Journey ring (~$90.00 value + free shipping) from TopJewels.com [affiliate program: coming up].
Looking forward to reading your entries!
24 thoughts on “400th Day Contest: Computer & Internet Jokes”
I am not eligible to win, but I did want to say, WOW Geno, what a great contest and awesome prizes.
We are proud to offer this prize and look forward to sending it to the winner!
Ooooh I get to go first 😀
Jesus and Satan were having a contest. Each was sitting at a computer, and was challenged to write a 100,000 word essay on the topic of his choice. A few hours into the contest, the power died and both computers shut down! Jesus won the contest. Why? Because Jesus saves.
Did you hear about the Level 1 Support technician who was so stupid… that the other support techs *noticed*?
An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced. He told her to “Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it.” About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.
Most people think: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Apple thinks: if it ain’t broke, we’re not pricing our products effectively.
I almost didn’t post this one, given that I’m a fan of Apple lol
Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Desktop.”
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Tech Support: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote click’.”
Q: Did you hear that Twitter, Facebook, and Youtube are making one big social site together. What is the new site called?
Nicole wanted to be an affiliate marketer par excellence so she went to the library and checked out all types of book topics related to being an affiliate webmaster: html, CSS, XML, marketing — you name it. You could see her carrying a bulging backpack full of library books each week.
The next month as she was checking out books the librarian remarked that Nicole’s computer skills must have improved.
“How did you know?” asked Nicole”
“Well,” said the librarian “none of your current books have ‘For Dummies’ in the title.”
This is funny in an ironic way [and true!]
“Microsoft to patch 17-year-old computer bug”
Microsoft is like Rip Van Winkle in its customer service.
The bug dates from way back to 3.1 *LOL*
I found it ironic and funny in a dry, sarcastic way that a company as successful as Microsoft could be so lax in their customer support. *Finally* after 17 years Microsoft decides to patch a computer bug that had been a problem back to their 3.1 Version.
The number reminded me of the American folk tale/fairy tale of Rip Van Winkle:
For Rip Van Winkle was old and gray,
And twenty summers had passed away–
Yes, twenty winters of snow and frost etc…
When Rip Van Winkle awoke everything had changed dramatically from the way he remembered. Likewise, Microsoft can’t expect to be #1 with consumers if it takes them 17 years to patch a computer bug. I find it amusing that it took Microsoft so long.
This is a true story; count it as an entry if you like, but it’s 100% hand-on-a-Bible truth.
I was on a systems support team at NASA’s Mission Control, Building 30, at the Johnson Space Center. My team was responsible for OS support and general help desk stuff. Keep in mind as you read the next few sentences that the flight controllers are paid large sums of money and are *highly* educated. We support folks… we’re smart, but underpaid.
Call number one: we’re called down to the control room (the one you’ve seen on TV) because one of the flight controllers is reporting his printer is broken. It was out of paper.
Call number two: Mission Control is set up with multiple computers sharing a workstation. Typically, there’s three monitors, three mice, three keyboards – three computers. We’re called down because a flight controller’s keyboard isn’t working. It took us 3 seconds to notice the cords were crossed – he was using the wrong keyboard.
Call number three: we were doing an OS upgrade throughout the building. Just like upgrading Windows or Mac OS at home, it requires installing new files, then rebooting the computers and waiting for them to come back online. Unlike your home upgrades, everything is server-based, so it takes a lot longer for them to come back up. We put signs at each terminal that read “Please do not touch. Upgrades in progress. Please DO NOT TOUCH.” We got a call from a very irate user, complaining that his terminal wasn’t working. We asked where he was calling from. He told us he was in one of the rooms we were upgrading. We asked him if he saw our signs, and he said of course, but he didn’t think it applied to him – after all, he had work to do.
Once Steve went to a Customer and told him like this.. ” Imagine we would built a super computer, with touch screen, no wires, no keyboard, no mouse, super features like i7 processors, u can print from the same place and what not.. Whatever u name it, we will have it on the system.. Then If i ask you just tell me how much do u need the price”..
The Customer simply said ” I would simply stop Imagining…”…
Did you hear about the online marketer who killed his career?
Yeah, he spewed out so much information that he became an unpaid consultant.
Two computer programmers are driving on a Highway. They turn on the radio hear an breaking news warning: “Please note that a car is driving on Highway 75 against the traffic.”
The passenger programmer looks at the driver and says: “One? There are hundreds of them!”
Top 10 signs you are an internet geek:
10. When filling out your driver’s license application you give them your IP address.
9. You no longer ask prospective dates for their phone number, instead you ask for their twitter.
8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.
7. You’re amazed to find out spam is actually a food.
6. You “ping” people to see if they’re awake, “poke” them to find out how they are, and “AYT” them to make sure they’re listening to you.
5. You search the net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.
4. You introduce your wife as “[email protected]” and refer to your children as “client applications”.
3. At social functions you introduce your husband as “my domain server”.
2. You often say “LOL” and “LMAO” out loud.
And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:
1. You’ve actually reached the end of the internet.
Great entries so far, folks!! Keep ’em coming!
Hey Geno, I found these today and they are sort of relevant to the Feb 5th post “Parasite Alert: DirectCPV / LoudMo Contextual Adware”!
Types of Computer Viruses:
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
and my favorite…..
Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a “virus”, but instead refers to itself as an “electronic microorganism”.
A software salesman dies and gets to the Pearly Gates…
“Well,” St. Peter says to him, “It seems that you’re right on the edge of whether you go to heaven or hell. In fact, the scales are so even that you can choose which one you want to go to.”
“If I’m going to make that choice,” the salesman says, “can I see what the options look like?”
“Certainly,” St. Peter replies. “Let’s check out Heaven first.”
So they go through the Pearly Gates into Heaven… and it is idyllic. Stunning vistas, beautiful sunsets, everyone resting in a state of bliss, celestial music, delicious food and drink just an arm’s reach away.
“Wow,” says the software salesman. “That seems pretty nice.”
“In fact, it’s eternal bliss,” says St. Peter. “Now let me show you what Hell is like so you can make your decision.”
The salesman closes his eyes in fear and St. Peter snaps his fingers. “This is Hell,” St. Peter announces.
The salesman opens his eyes, looks around, and he’s shocked. It’s like a giant party in the world’s greatest strip club. Beautiful women, endless drinking, loud music. The ultimate in sex, drugs and rock & roll.
“This is not at ALL what I expected,” the salesman says, gaping at yet another stunning naked woman. “In fact, Peter, this is a lot more my speed. This is just like what I always hoped eternity would be like… I think I’ll stay here in Hell.”
“As you wish,” St. Peter says. And with another snap of his fingers, St. Peter vanishes… and the salesman finds himself shackled to a wall, engulfed in flames, surrounded by the screams and wailing of the other tortured denizens of his new home.
“Welcome to Hell!” the Devil announces.
“What!? What’s going on here?!” the salesman cries, “This is nothing like what I saw just a second ago.”
“Oh, that,” says the Devil, “You were looking at the demo.”
Two programmers walk into a bar…
because they were lost.
Susy was having problems with her computer so she called the IT guy Wes to her desk. When he got there, he clicked a few buttons and solved the problem.
As he walked away, Susy asked “So…what was wrong?” Wes replied that it was an ID ten T error. Obviously confused, Susy asked again, “Well, what is that? You know, in case I need to fix it again.”
Wes smiled and said, “Oh, you’ve never seen an ID ten T error?” Susy shook her head no. “Write it down and I think you’ll figure it out”.
I D 1 0 T
A little boy goes to his father and asks “Daddy, how was I born?”
The father answers: “Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway.
Your mom and I got together in a chat room on AOL. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met up at cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, I upgraded my floppy disk to a stiffy and then your mom agreed to do a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later, a blessed little pop-up appeared and said:
“You’ve got Male!”
How many affiliate marketers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It’s not their light bulb.
How many Internet marketers does it take to change a light bulb?
One… but if you act now, for a limited time, you’ll get Two!
Some of these are really funny!! Thank you so much for all these entries, folks! Only about 1 hour left until the cut-off time… If you haven’t posted your joke yet, you better do so soon!!
No more entries accepted.
VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE JOKE HERE